Learning from my Younger Self 4: When You Want to Stop that Friendliness – because It’s so so Risky



(A note I used to write at the very last page of old journals)

(Written on the 7th of September 2015 || Isinulat noong Ika-7 ng Setyembre 2015)

Sinamahan ko si Kuya Vannie sa UP para kumuha ng mga kakailanganin at kurikulum sa DFPP. Kumain kami at nagkuwentuhan. Libre niya. J
For self-check, humingi ako ng ng feedback kay kuya tungkol sa sarili ko. Hindi siguro matatawaran ang pagkamangha at pagpapasalamat ko na, akalain mo iyon, may humahanga sa akin? Ipinaliwanag ni kuya kung bakit niya ako hinahangaan, at ang mga pinakatumatak sa akin ay ang mga sumusunod…
“Siguro, at oo, hindi maiintindihan ng lahat iyong pagiging jolly mo, iyong pagiging friendly at warm mo. Pero ikaw kasi iyong tipo ng taong wala kang masamang tinapay. Lahat bukas sa company mo, maging sino man sila. May innocence sa’yo na kaunting tao na lang ang meron ngayon. Hindi lahat maiintindihan o maappreciate ‘yung ganun, pero ako gusto ko ‘yun dahil kailangan iyong mga taong kagaya mo. Alagaan mo ‘yang innocence na meron ka. Alagaan mo ‘yang puso mo.”
Wow, ang layo na rin ng narating ko para maabot itong ganito. Napakarami na ring pinroseso sa akin ng Diyos at napakarami na rin Niyang dininig na panalangin ko – kasama na doon dati iyong panalangin na tanggalin lahat ng sama-ng-loob sa puso ko at gawin ito uling dalisay.
Mahaba ang proseso ngunit sinagot ng Diyos nang tunay.
Sana maunawaan ni Kuya Vannie na utang-na-loob ko itong lahat sa Diyos.

****
(English translation)

I accompanied Kuya Vannie at UP so he can get requirements and curriculum from DFPP. After that, we ate fishballs and had our conversation. His treat. J
For self-check, I asked him for a feedback regarding myself. My amazement and gratitude for him admiring me was just overwhelming. Would you believe that someone admires me? Kuya explained why he admires me and these are the words that left a mark on me:
“Maybe, yes, not everyone will understand your jolliness, your being warm and friendly. But it’s because you’re this type of person who does not think suspiciously of others. Everyone is welcome to your company whoever they may be. There is this innocence in you that only a few people now possess. Not everyone will understand or appreciate that but for me, I like that because we need people who are like that. Take good care of that innocence that you have. Take good care of your heart.”
Wow, I have come this far to be able to reach this condition. The Lord already had processed a lot in me at He already had answered so many prayers of mine – that certainly includes the prayer that He take away all of the bitterness in my heart and make it pure again.
The process is long but the Lord answered genuinely.
I hope that kuya Vannie will understand that I owe all of these to God and God alone.

****

That Christlike innocence that springs from a pure heart ( PURE HEART BEATITUDES)
And yet, aware of it or not, this world is a breeding ground for all kinds of pollution to the heart. People grow up and people change. Everyone is prone to losing their innocence at some point in their lives and to being corrupted. My heart gets its unwanted pollution from the outside world from time to time. There’s nothing I can do to stay innocent and pure.
Only God can grant me time and time again the gift of childlikeness and purity. An Christlike innocence and that purity that I can only achieve not because I am good (No, I am not) but because He died for me and because He is perfectly good.
I can’t do this heart-thing on my own. Only God can do all of it for me.

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