Learning from my Younger Self 2: When Winning is NOT because you’re good


Recharging to be able to get back on track meant a lot of going back, and moving forward afterwards when you’ve gained enough momentum and strength for the next leg of the journey. It’s resilience.
                                                                         
                                                                        (A note I used to write at the very last page of old journals)

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(Written 15th of May 2015)
I’ve had had lost tears and sleep that night. I thought, “Lord, it’s only You who can and have really loved me. You’re the only one who knows and understands. Thank You. I love You.”
Then out of something random, I clicked the like button for Sir June’s cover photo which led him to send me a PM just to ask me how I have been (that’s so sweet of him). He gave me the best words I really needed to hear that wee hour of the morning:
“You’ll do great. Remember, Jesus was a teacher. We share that part of His soul.”
It was just the best and truest way to say that “Jesus lives in me”.
Morning came and the day of teaching demonstration in Claret went and passed. Time was a big issue for me, and I am pretty unsure if I can finish everything with a limited demo time. All I know back then was to ask for the Lord’s guidance and help. Oh Lord!
I was running out of time—we ran out of bond paper at home, and I am really running late but I still have to go elsewhere to photocopy things. Hurryingly, I still prepared the best lesson I can (I prayed so earnestly while preparing and on the way to the school because it just seems to impossible. I’m just so tired and kind of already lost…)
In Philcoa, I found a photocopier at the very edge of a sidewalk. During the remaining last minutes, I was able to photocopy the necessary handouts for the demo (buti na lang hindi ko isinuko ‘yun handouts dahil sa sobrang crucial pala niya). I came there 12:55 PM. Not late! J Woohoo!
(The kids are still finishing their seatwork when Mr. Blando and I arrived there so yes, NOT LATE!)
When I faced the kids and started teaching, I didn’t know where my aura, energy ad force came from. Mine during that time was a gentle but real, powerful force. All I know was it was not from me but it empowered me. It was God.
The teaching demo was so smooth and everything went well (thank You so much, God!) After that, I was invited to the faculty room to sign papers. After which, I was invited to the Principal’s Office. Then the surprise  I never ever expected was revealed to me…
(Non-verbatim; only with the important details)
“Okay Miss Ruth, I know you have other options than Claret, but I would like you to know that if you wish to join us, you may come on Monday. That’s the start of the training. So I’d just like you to know that you are accepted and that you are invited to come on Monday at 8 AM if you decide to join our community. The HR will discuss you contract.”
I was speechless. I really did not expect what Sir Blando told me. What I remember further was that I’m the top teacher among the applicants for the Filipino subject, from the exam to the interview, “Magaling ka e, magaling kang guro… but of course there are things to improve.”
Tanggap na ‘ko…
On my way home, I just still can’t believe what have just transpired the whole day. I kept asking the Lord, “Why me, a stupid? All I have come these past few days  is to give You disgrace…what have I done to deserve all of these?”
As I go home, I realized that it’s the Lord’s way of telling me, “You are not stupid; You are created in My image and likeness…”
All of these things is by God’s grace.
It was Him who made me do all of these, all by God’s grace.
He brought me to Claret to reveal Himself.

****
Recharging to be able to get back on track meant a lot of telling and reminding yourself that YOU ARE NOT STUPID. YOU ARE WORTHY. Your parents might tell you time and time again that you are stupid and unworthy, but if that’s not what God tells you, then your parents are wrong. Your parents are not God, Ruth. Your God is Jesus Christ, and He is the only One you should believe.
Everyone—the government, our president, friends, and even our very parents and family—may fail. They certainly will fail us because they are just humans. But God never will fail. Rest your heart and put your hope in God.
“One thing that liberates and heals: God knows you.” (Author  unknown)
When winning is not because you’re good… but because God is.

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